the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
