Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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