You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
