oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
