dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
