at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
