If i come over, it means nothing
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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