Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
