You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
