the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he shaved USA in his pubs
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
