Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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