I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
