im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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