and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
