that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
