so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
