I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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