Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
