fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I can't turn off my feet"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
