Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I puked a lego.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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