Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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