I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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