sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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