So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
