i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
