well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
