im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
