Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
