Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
