Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
