Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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