Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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