If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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