U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
