i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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