Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
