Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
jump out the window naked night went bad
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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