Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
