a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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