so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
