Can Purell be used as lube?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
