lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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