Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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