also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
