the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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