I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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