wat bout pragnant strippers??
I wish i was in the wii world.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
