During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I need a burrito and a hug.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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