Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
there was a trapeze. enough said
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
