apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
