His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
