Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
