is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
