He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Damn victory sex feels great
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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