i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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